it’s always been said that deaths happen in threes, especially in the world of celebrities. ed mcmahon was surprising and a little sad. farrah fawcett was sad but expected. michael jackson, though?! crazy.

a rough day in hollywood was also a rough day in our little apartment. ellie has become physically dependent on a nap routine i can no longer keep up with. four times a day for as long as i can remember, i’ve rocked her to sleep in my arms while standing in the bathroom with the light off and the fan on, and once she’d pass out i’d slowly creep into the living room and transfer her ever so carefully from my arms into her swing where she would nap anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes.

mommy says no more.

since she’s become such a champ at falling asleep in her crib at bedtime (thank you, dr. ferber!), i figured it would be a good time for her to start crying it out at nap time, too. uuuuuuuuuugh.

the morning nap was all right. she cried for 35 minutes, passed out for 20 and was awake again. crying. so i got her up. the next attempt was an utter failure. she screamed for nearly an hour, and then it was time to eat, so i gave up on that one. the last time was pretty similar to the first. she cried for 30 minutes, slept for 30 and woke up. crying. of course. she was so exhausted by her 5 o’clock feeding that she passed out, but i wouldn’t let her sleep longer than 30 minutes because it was so late in the afternoon, so she was ready for bead by 6:30. and asleep she now is.

so many times today i wanted to give up, gather her in my arms and soothe her with the things she’s used to – my arms rocking her, the bathroom fan, her swing. but if i’m not consistent, it’ll never pay off. and however awful it was, it’s only day one. we’ll see what happens tomorrow.

zzz.